So, I have a friend that likes to create music. He just started taking it seriously a few months ago. When he was telling me about what he wanted from all of it, the fear of "first post" anxiety was something that prevented him from actually creating. He was scared his first post would not be able to show a complete representation of what he is trying to express and also not meet with the standards of other talents that were similar to his music. At the time, I didn't really understand why he was so anxious about his first post. He knew what he was doing, and he was passionate about it -- that's all he needed. He just had to do it; nothing but him was holding himself back.
Now, he has progressed so much, not only in his music, but with his goals and perspective.
So, what's my point?
Well, I didn't realize how "first post" anxiety actually felt, until it happened to me. I didn't realize how much pressure and fear unnecessarily caused me to remain stagnant. Even though I have been "blogging" (does Tumblr even count? lol) for years, I always saw it as a past time or as a safe space to vent or document parts of my life that I want to remember... or forget.
It was not until this year that I decided I wanted to blog "seriously." I still haven't figured out what I mean by seriously, but I do know that if I am passionate about something, I should never let anyone -- especially myself -- hold me back from pursuing what I want. Even if there's so much pressure on me, and even if people don't like what I have to say or post, I do it anyway. For myself.
It gets difficult to remember that.
However, I have come to realize that in order to grow and cultivate something I love, I just need to create...
...no matter how scared or anxious I feel.
So, instead of wasting time trying to conjure up this amazing polished post that will attract and excite a ton of people, my first post is instead 1.) messy (thank you sleep deprivation for bad grammar and incomplete thoughts at 2AM) 2.) honest and 3.) filled with heart. I think that matters more, and it definitely beats some fake bullshit post about something I clearly spent too much time on and lost interest in, but completed anyway because I was too far in lol.
Anyway, if you have read this far, look forward to more messier and honest posts as I try to figure this out.
If you're interested in hearing some stuff from the friend I was talking about in this post, you can find his music here: https://soundcloud.com/ithinkitsgio :)